New Direction

Well, sorta. My boyfriend and I started talking about movies last night, and he was shocked at the amount of movies I've never seen. We started writing down a list of the movies I must watch, and then when we got stuck we took it out to his roommates to add to. This morning, I opened up suggestions to Facebook, and am now up to a staggering 92 movies I MUST see. After I watch each one, I shall critique them here. I know, you're thrilled, right? ;)

Ok, starting with a movie NO ONE should ever watch: The Telling. I saw parts of it on the Girls Next Door, (since it's produced by and starring 2 of Hugh Hefner's ex-girlfriends) so needless to say I wasn't really expecting much. I was hoping that, like Manos Hands of Fate, it would be so dreadfully awful it would be amazing. It's a movie about a sorority of stuck up plastics whose rush the previous year resulted in a death. Therefore this year, in order to comply with the Dean's orders, their rush is focusing on what's INSIDE a person ("Whatever THAT means."). Evidently, the best way to find out what's on the inside is to have each of the final 3 pledges tell a scary story. The first one wasn't too terrible, minus the dreadful acting and complete lack of suspense. And let's face it, a demon doll who kills girls isn't exactly original (though death via wet doll by the power strip is!). The second story was a tad confusing. It involved an "aging" actress (she's 30, though I guess to a Playboy Bunny that's ANCIENT) who took the last role on earth: the star in a horror movie produced by a Transylvanian filmmaker. She drinks absynth and has some bizarre dreams involving being chased and molested by a topless Asian girl. Afterwards, she wakes up to find an invitation to a pre-filming dinner on her bed, and goes down to find everyone in masks. There is then a montage of early 20th century torture films playing to a soundtrack of....modern day rock? Makes sense. It is then you find out that everyone at the table is undead (you were expecting vampire, weren'tcha?), and now she must become one of them. Yep.

The third story was by far the most ridiculous of the three. 3 self-absorbed girls make a prank call and then hear someone being murdered over the phone. They start receiving creepy calls threatening their lives. They call the cops. They suspect the cop of being the killer. One by one, the girls die. For some reason there's a cable guy. The last girl standing shoots the cop with his own gun, and then is killed by the true murderer. There's a number of issues I had with this story, besides the terrible acting and gratuitous cursing left and right. 1) WHY is the cable guy present? To add another "suspect"? And why does he steal panties? 2) The cop's gun is a revolver. A REVOLVER. My grandmother carries a Glock, but this cop carries a revolver. Right. 3) Seriously, who dies from a scissor stab to the back of the shoulder? 4) What cop in his right mind pops his head through the window when he knows there's 3 girls inside who have been getting "I'ma kill you" phone calls? 5) A drill? Really? You're gonna DRILL me to death?

After all the stories are told, the sorority girls start grabbing their stomachs and coughing, since it turns out the last storyteller poisoned them all to avenge the death of her half sister the year before (shocking!). I think the line of the movie that best shows what kind of experience you're in for is uttered by a sorority girl as she lies on the floor, moments from death, poison coursing through her veins: "We may be dead, but you'll still be a loser."

I may be a loser, but at least I didn't act in this movie.

New Office, Old Plots

After walking home in the rain barefoot this morning, I was anxious to go to bed. However, since the fact that I made it home in one piece was cause for celebration, I decided to stay up and watch this week's Office. The first thing I noticed was that there were 2 new episodes, both 30 min long. Thought it was kinda dumb they didn't just make it an hour long episode, but I figured they'd had their reasons. The second thing I noticed was how similar Michael's behaviour Jim and Pam's wedding was to the way he acted at Phyllis': outbursts, "saving" family members, general idiocrasy...not to mention the double ceremony idea being stolen from How I Met Your Mother. "Oh, everything's too stressful, things are going wrong, let's just have a secret ceremony before the public one!" Really, writers? Again? And once again we found ourselves witnessing a dance-off between Andy and Kelly, thought, granted, the first one in Cafe Disco didn't end with Andy going to the hospital with a torn scrotum....

The episodes felt so forced, like they were trying to shock you at each corner. Michael and Pam's mom? Dwight and Pam's best friend? And then wrapping it all up with the ripped off YouTube video...come now, Office. I think you could've done much better with something fans have been waiting 6 years to see.

First of Many

Today is my birthday. Seemed as good a day as any to start a blog. Well....and Peter Mburu suggested it. Just finished watching the pilot episode of Doogie Howser, and there's one primary question I have: is it wrong to have such a profound crush on a 16 year old? Granted, when the show was filmed I was...well, 4. Hmm.



It's strange to see young NPH with so many of the characteristics I'm used to seeing in older NPH: the sweet half smile, the singular eyebrow raise, the outward cockiness masking the heart of gold...heck, even the suits. It's a lot like watching Johnny Depp in Fear and Loathing: you see the character of Jack Sparrow in Duke. Well, minus the eyeliner and rum. Scratch that. They had rum.



I have a feeling this blog will become much like my conversations: a rambling cacophony of ideas and brain vomit. And frequent mentions of Neil Patrick Harris. Also, tacos. Mmm. Enjoy.